“Time is not your friend. It doesn’t care if you live fast or die slow, if you are or if you aren’t. It was here before you arrived and it will go on after you leave. Time doesn’t care who wins or who loses, if your life span is full or empty, honorable or shameful. Time is indifferent. It simply doesn’t give a shit.”s
I read a book by Mitch Albom several years ago called The Time Keeper. I loved it. It made me really stop and think. It left me with a heavy heart, but at the same time with a renewed outlook of how I could begin living the life I have left. It left several messages with me, and a lot to think about.
Don’t waste time, spend it wisely.
Don’t wish for more time, You don’t get anymore and what you’ve wasted…you can’t get it back.
There isn’t enough time…there really isn’t.
Time really isn’t our friend and waits for no one.
I’m totally guilty of all of the above. I want time to pass quickly sometimes so that a specific date comes quickly so I can do whatever it is that I wanted to do but then that time comes and goes too fast and I find I wish could have that time back or wish it had passed slower as to enjoy it properly.
I’m guilty of wasting time. I waste time doing things that I don’t really want to do. I waste time on Pinterest, Instagram or Facebook, drinking coffee or wine. I waste time and energy on people who don’t deserve it. I waste time on numerous meaningless things, then I’m somewhat disappointed in how I spent that time, when I could have been doing something meaningful.
These last few years have been hard for me. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time in a relationship that I should have let go of. I feel like wasted 5 years trying to make a marriage work that neither of us could fix. I decided in the last year that I don’t want to waste anymore time thinking about the past, how sad I’ve felt, or how I’ve been treated by people I’ve done nothing but help or be kind to. I don’t want to waste any more time feeling anxious or angry. I’ve decided that in order to feel happier and satisfied with my life I want to spend my time more wisely. I want to spend it with people I love and who love me equally as much. I want to live in a place that I love. I would like to travel more, or find something that interests me enough to study it, learn it, and enjoy doing whatever it is I’ve studied and do it well.
Making myself a priority has always seemed selfish before now. I still feel a little selfish because in order for me to stop wasting time it might mean some people in my life, who I love very much will get hurt and I would never want to do that. I hope that at some point they will learn to live with and accept that I did my best for as long as I could but then there came a point where I spent more time unhappy than I have been happy.
Making the decision to leave my marriage was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done besides staying with a man who figured his time was more valuable than mine. That his life and happiness was well above being faithful to our family. Walking away from my marriage feels like I failed. I failed to realize that I was just as important as everyone else in my life, and that the things I’ve done would still have meaning to me if I had of. I’ve been left with a feeling of things I’ve done not mattering and that I wasted my time trying to be a good wife. I used to love taking care of our home, and raising our family but now it’s not as important to me to do the things I once did. Raising our children was one of the best things I’ve ever done, and will probably ever do. I’m happy they are growing to be amazing people. I feel that I did not waste any time on them, but I do wish that my time with them had passed slower so I could enjoy them being with me longer. They grew too fast.
It’s time for me to find the woman I used to be. Time to find the woman who used to be strong, independent and didn’t rely on anyone but herself. She’s here, in me somewhere, I know it but she’s hiding, a little shy and scared a lot these days but I know she can do all these things she wants to do and live this amazing life she’s dreaming of. Once she smartens up, stops wasting time and making every second of it count, I know she’ll be happy and the people around her will be happy with her and for her.
Time. Don’t waste it by wishing it away or that you could have it back. Embrace every minute, love it, spend it wisely because it really isn’t going to wait around for you to make the choices you wish you could have or would have made. At the end of time you want to have lived a life that you’ll be remembered for. Remembered for the memories that you spent time making with the people close to you and that you loved completely with your whole heart.