Why am I the Chump?

So, last week, I posted a blog that sparked a reader to suggest that I read Surviving Infidelity and Chump Lady. I wanted to follow up on that. If I am to understand, the suggestion to read Chump Lady, which I did, means that I am considered a Chump.

Urban Dictionary has several meanings for the word Chump.

Chump-1. Someone who doesn’t understand the basics of life on earth. Confused easily.

I feel like I do understand the basics of life, it is my husband who doesn’t. I don’t find I’m confused easily, I was repeatedly told lies by my husband and because I wanted to have faith in him, I believed what he said.

Chump-2.

A stupid or gullible person.

Okay…at times I feel a little stupid and gullible for the lies I believed. Honestly, I didn’t believe a lot that he said, my gut instinct was on high alert. I could read his body language but I didn’t trust myself enough to call him out on his bullshit without concrete evidence.

Chump-3.

A sucka that tries to act cool, but really is a fool and tries to act tough, but really isn’t.

I don’t try to act cool, but I might be a fool. I don’t try to act tough but I’ve been told that I’m not always easily approachable by new people. A lot of that has to do with me not trusting anyone. Many of my family and friends have become very judgemental about my decision to work on saving our marriage. I believe that they don’t have the knowledge to make that decision unless they themselves have been lied to and cheated on. I was super judgy myself until it happened to me, I took a step back and time to evaluate, and came to the conclusion that for now, I’m content to remain committed to trying to salvage our marriage and twenty-five years of a life we’ve built. Yes, I feel bitter and angry, sometimes. Other times, I’m happy with my decision and so is he. He said he didn’t think that I loved him, but now he sees that I truly did. Not that he was using the lack of feeling as a reason to cheat, he just saw that I wasn’t going to just give up on him and walk away. I’ve had to develop a tough outer skin, especially when people who used to be my friends called my husband a douche or a dick and a lot worse. I didn’t think a true friend would try to berate him whilst knowing I was staying in the marriage and trying to not think that he was a douche or a dick because of his cheating.

Chump-4.

Someone who is really thick. They are easily duped, tricked, and taken in by others. A gullible person. Also, someone who relies on weather.com

I can’t even…really? ”Someone who relies on weather.com” Insert…*eye roll*

Collins Informal definition of Chump

A foolish, stupid or gullible person; dupe or fool.

Over the course of the last four years, at one time or another, I have felt ALL of those things. I haven’t let them resonate with me, I chose to change the way I looked at the situation. I know that I wasn’t feeling these ways because of anything I had done, that none of his actions should have spilled over onto me or make me believe that any of it was my fault. I think he was the Chump, he had a great life. He had a wife who cared for and supported him, children who wanted to spend time with him but it was his foolish, stupidity that almost ended it all.

I don’t think the Chump Lady has it right by any means, I feel like, maybe, she hasn’t been able to forgive the fool who cheated on her. The only advice she seemed to have was don’t be a Chump, get a divorce. I didn’t read a lot of her blog but felt that I read enough to know if I continued to read it would send me into second guessing my decisions. I want to believe people can change and that once a cheater doesn’t mean always a cheater. If your husband or wife have chosen to cheat they are the ”Chump”, not you. You are a smart, kind and forgiving person if you’ve decided that your marriage deserves a second, third or however many chances YOU decide to give them. If you have decided on working through the tough times, good for you, don’t let judgemental people make you feel that you are stupid for staying. You really have to do what works for you, staying worked for me so I’m going to act tough and continue to roll with that.

ps. If you google chump the images that coincide with it are a tonne of Trump memes. Go figure…insert *eye roll*

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One thought on “Why am I the Chump?

  1. Your wisdom and courage has made me smile this morning. I am glad you are listening to your own inner voice and not the clanging from around you. I used to be a lot more judgmental. Once you have gone through infidelity, or any crisis really, and begin to choose healing from it, your perspective changes. Every situation and person is different. Even if the story is similar, the unique people within it are well, unique. You are not a chump. You are a beautiful, intelligent, caring, brave woman. Blessings to you.

    Like

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