I say all sorts of inappropriate things to my teenagers. Things that my sister shakes her head at and I know she wouldn’t ever dream of saying to her 12 year old son. My daughter laughs and says she’s going to write a journal of all the things I say to her, and I start laughing asking her if she’ll read them to her kids like bedtime stories.
I don’t believe in sheltering my kids from tv shows or talking differently in front of them because of their age. I think I’ve done a decent job raising them. They are outgoing and very funny. My friend said to me I hope my kids are half as funny and engaging as yours are when they get to be teenagers. I like who they are becoming. They are very confident, well rounded young adults. It may sound like I’m bragging about them, or that I’m “tooting my own horn” with how I’ve raised them but I’m not. I just think more people should raise their kids like this. I call them out on stupid shit they do, and not in a nice way.
Lots of people think that my kids are spoiled, and maybe they are. We’ve chosen to help make their young adult lives easier than ours were. I remember being stressed about how I was going to pay for college because my parents couldn’t afford it, I needed a vehicle and I had to get a job. The end resulted in me not going to college for more than a semester because I was too stressed out with needing to work to pay for school and living expenses. I don’t want my kids to worry about big stuff like that, until they actually have to. I want them to enjoy weekends with their friends, doing whatever they want.
On the other hand though, they do have to work for things like extra school trips, or an expensive hair experiment at the hair dresser, $800 hockey skates, gas money, expensive makeup or clothes. I don’t offer a complete full ride.
I could be wrong too, that telling your kid flat out “you’re being an asshole” is the way to go. This parenting thing is hard sometimes, but at the same time I feel like it’s only as hard as you make it. Don’t coddle them or fight their battles for them, give them the tools to be an asshole if they need to be. The only problem with raising my kids this way is they’ve learned to use it against me and they can hold their own when we argue. They know how to defend their side very well.
I’m not trying to be their friend, or the cool mom who lets shit slide, I’m trying to be the mom that they know they can talk to, about absolutely anything. They can tell me that they tried smoking weed with their friend, and though I will feel like I’m going to lose my shit, I won’t because I remember doing stupid things when I was their age. I don’t want them to be afraid to come home drunk while they are still underage, because at least they came home for me to make sure they are okay and they aren’t suffering from alcohol poisoning with their just as drunk friend who doesn’t realize they are in trouble. I want them to be really smart when it comes to making life decisions. I was always afraid when I was a teenager and didn’t do anything because my mom was always lurking, trying to catch me doing something that I shouldn’t be. I tried to be a good kid, I never wanted to face my parents disappointment should I have gotten caught doing things they wouldn’t have approved of. I have to say she should have been watching my sisters closer, they were the trouble makers.
Everyone has a different way when it comes to raising their kids, so don’t judge. I believe in openness and honesty, it works for us, but really you need to do what works for you. I like to think I’m giving them the skills to be able to deal with someone who might be an asshole with them at school or work. I love my kids. Sometimes my way of telling them that I love them is “you are being an asshole” and they know it.